Wednesday, April 11, 2007

A Checklist for a Scorned Female Astronaut

Baltimore, My Baltimore

1. Adult diapers:

2. Pepper spray:

3. B.B. gun:

4. Steel mallet:

5. Knife:

6. Rubber tubing:

7. Cash in U.S. and British currency:

8. 69 orange pills:

9. Two USB drives:

and last, but certainly not least,

10. Sixteen images depicting various scenes of bondage:

I really don't know why I insist on checking out CNN. Their stories - like this one - make my brain hurt. They're like skid-marked underwear blowing in the breeze.


bon bon said...

imagine the office banter where she works now. the excess of one-liners just boggles the mind!
so, why isn't this women in a psych ward somewhere?

Allum Barstansangur said...

I can fill in the ? on each item.

1. diapers meant she could drive non-stop to her quarry to commit her heinous deed.(standard astronaut procedure for long missions, entry and re-entry... eww)

2. pepper spray: she wanted to torture this chick...getting her by surprise with the pepper spray was probably her "opener" before dragging her off.

3. a BB gun pressed into the small of the now pepper-sprayed woman's face would feel a lot like a real gun and give her the impression her assailant was serious enough to kill.

4. steel mallet...I can only imagine she planned to break some bones.

5. knife. She wanted to threaten no doubt and maybe slit her throat or something...this is how psycho love made this woman.

6. rubber tubing: a home depot solution for the home bondage enthusiast, an effective way to tie someone down.

7. Cash, US and UK: she planned to go on the lam after the event, possibly to the UK if the US was non-viable...remember astronauts are trained to always think of plan B, C through Z

8. 69 orange pills. very sexually motivated criminal...number not insignificant, potentially to kill or murder/suicide herself and victim, potential symbolic killing as a 69 might have been the perceived "crime" her lover and the lady performed.

9. The USB drives no doubt contained her backup plans, account details, personal data.

10. The bondage porn was more likely to be for a visual on how to correctly bind someone so that escape was impossible.


too much CSI for me XD